Kids say the darndest thing, amiright?

I love being a dad. I love having thoughtful, funny, and serious conversations with my kids. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed to have two of the most adorable, witty, smart, kind, handsome, and beautiful children on the planet.

From the time my kids could speak, practically, I’ve been recording bits of humorous and precious dialog I’ve had with them and have shared (some of) it for the world through social media.

I’ve decided to catalog the last several years (currently about 4 and ½ but I’m sure it’ll grow over time) here as well. As you can tell by the notations below, I’ve broken down the posts chronologically and by the age of my kids. (For those who might not know, Melissa is my wife, Ben is my son – currently age 9 – and Bella is my daughter – currently age 7).

Maybe some day I’ll put these in a book. We’ll see.

But in the meantime, if you want to waste a handful of minutes and have a few laughs, here you go:

Ben (age 8) and Bella (age 7)

May 26, 2015
Bella: “Dad, I have two dads.”
Me: “Oh?”
Bella: “Yeah, you and Jesus.”
Me: “I really hope you’re talking about our Savior.”

March 9, 2015
Bella: “I imagine Jesus wearing a bathrobe.”

February 22, 2015
Bella: “Dad, do you like your name, Terry?”
Me: “I like Bo better than I like Terry.”
Bella: “I don’t like the name Bo.”
Me: “You don’t like my name?”
Bella: “No, not really.”

February 21, 2015
Ben: “Mom, why do you have six wrinkly bags under your eyes?”

February 11, 2015
Ben: “Eva is so beautiful.”
Me: “Who is Eva?”
Ben: “She’s in my class. She’s like a dying flower. I love her.”

February 7, 2015
Me: “This person is going to cut right in front of us. Wow. Some people.”
Bella: “That’s an old woman. Be respectful, Bo.”

January 24, 2015
Ben: “Use your manpower, Bella.”
Bella: “I don’t have manpower. I have womanpower.”

January 21, 2015
Me: “Bella, what’s the matter?”
Bella: “I just saw a show and the girl said her dad was her hero and it made me think of you.
Me: “So, I’m your hero?”
Bella: “Yeah.”
Me: “Then why are you crying?”
Bella: “I just don’t know. It just makes me sad.”

January 14, 2014
Me: ” Bella, it’s time for bed.”
Bella: “Sleep is not my #1 priority.”

December 17, 2014
Bella: “Dad, I wish you were in the military.”

December 13, 2014
Me: “Are you going to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what you want for Christmas?”
Ben: “No way. He has nothing to do with my business.”

December 11, 2014
Bella: “Can I play a game on your phone?”
Me: “No, because I’m playing a game.”
Bella: “But you’re a grown man!”

November 29, 2014
Bella: “I can count to one hundred really fast.”
Me: “Whoa, you’re a machine.”
Bella: “It’s not my fault. I was born fast.”

Ben (age 8) and Bella (age 6)

October 10, 2014
Bella: “Do you know why I love old people? Because they give you cash.”

September 29, 2014
Ben: “My belly didn’t feel hungry but my brain was.”

July 15, 2014
Belle: “It sucks to suck, Ben.”

July 7, 2014
Ben: “Bella, everything is made in Japan.”

June 25, 2014
Ben: “Dad, I love these moments with you.”

June 8, 2014
Ben: “If I were the pastor, I’d charge people more money so I could buy more books and offer more classes to learn about God.”

June 3, 2014
Bella: “Dad, you’re $10,000. You are cash to me.”

Ben (age 7) and Bella (age 6)

May 12, 2014
Ben: “Can we find out where Amelia Earhart’s plane went?”
Me: “No one knows, Ben.”
Ben: “Not even the computer?”

April 28, 2014
Ben: “Hey guys, if God gives us a new body in Heaven, I want freckles.”

March 9, 2014
Bella: “Was I the only one who took a nap?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Bella: “Clearly, I am the good child.”

March 2, 2014
Ben: “I don’t want to eat the dippy bread.”
Me: “You don’t have to but do you know why we eat the bread and drink the juice?”
Ben: “Yeah, it’s called Communication.”

February 13, 2014
Me: “What do you guys want from the store?”
Ben: “I want freedom!”

December 21, 2013
Ben: “Dad, you’re the best director I’ve ever known.”

Ben (age 7) and Bella (age 5)

October 14, 2013
Bella: “I just can’t color right now. It’s hurting my brain. Man, I need a massage.”

October 6, 2013

September 30, 2013
Bella: ” Did Ben write all over this? Oh, I will mess him up!”

September 28, 2013
Me: “I will knock your block off.”
Bella: “I will cut your eyeballs out.”
Me: “I will…”
Bella: “You got nothing.”

September 26, 2013
Melissa: “Belle, go clean up your room.”
Belle: “I gotta go to my blog first.”
Melissa: ‘What?”
Belle: “Stay smooth, mom.”

September 20, 2013
Ben: “Can we move to Arkansas?”
Me: “Why?”
Ben: “So I can marry my sister. She’s smart and beautiful.”
Me: “We’re not moving to Arkansas.”

September 5, 2013
Ben: “Dad, I will chop you up, put you in the freezer, and then we’ll have Bo-sghetti.”

September 3, 2013
Bella: “No one says no to Bella.”

August 31, 2013
Ben: “Dad, show some grace!”

Ben (age 6) and Bella (age 5)

May 3, 2013
Ben: “I can’t eat salad. It’s not a part of my diet.”

April 19, 2013
Bella: “Dad, how did you grow that hair blanket?”

May 29, 2012
Ben: “Belle, when you wear those shoes it makes you look like a tiny, little baby who hasn’t even been born yet.”

May 9, 2012
Bella: “Dad, my poop looked just like a pickle!”

March 22, 2012
Bella: “This day is so psycho.”

March 6, 2012
Bella: “My tongue feels like an ocean.”

March 4, 2012
Ben: “I love Jesus more than Saturn’s rings.”

February 19, 2012
Ben: “Dad, can we turn our garage into a hair cut place?”
Me: “I’ll have to think about that.”
Ben: “And do we have any candy in case kids show up?”

January 2, 2012
Bella: “I love Justin Beaver.”

Ben (age 6) and Bella (age 4)

August 5, 2011
Bella: “Daddy, nobody wants to see your bald head.”

Ben (age 5) and Bella (age 4)

April 23, 2011
Ben: “God’s gonna be there for 2 minutes. Actually, 40 minutes.”
Me: “He’s gonna be where?”
Ben: “On the cross!”

March 12, 2011
Bella: “Dad is Chuck E. Cheese going to be with Jesus?”
Me: “Um, yes someday.”
Bella: “No! Can he go be with another Jesus?”

March 7, 2011
Bella: “Sometimes the bad guys cry and want their mommies and daddies and Jesus.”

January 22, 2011
Ben: “I think the world is breaking.”

January 17, 2011
Ben: “Dad, I’m going to run away. Is that alright?”

January 16, 2011
Ben: “Dad can you pull over and let Bella out so she can touch the electricity and go be with Jesus?”

December 25, 2010
Ben: “This isn’t hot chocolate. This is like warm chocolate. Put some milk in it and heat it up.”

December 1, 2010
Me: “Goodnight kids. I love you and Jesus loves you. Do you love Jesus?”
Bella: “Yes, I love Jesus. But Jesus hits me.”